Rest Is Okay

It’s been a while since I sat down to write. 

I could say it’s because I’ve been busy… 

…but I’d be lying. 

The truth is, I simply haven’t felt like writing. Most likely because of the overwhelming amount of emotions I’ve been feeling for the past five months or so. Writing has always been a safe haven for me — a comfort blanket, a judgement-free zone. When my life feels off key, writing helps me to make sense of the chaos, or at the very least, find some balance. And while I have desperately wanted to make sense of so many situations around me (and so many emotions flowing through me), the task has seemed quite daunting and, at times, impossible. So, I close my laptop and move on. 

Until today…

I saw an article on Thought Catalog today (if you know me, you know it’s a favorite of mine) titled “This Is For You During The Hard Times.” Naturally, I clicked on it. And then I read it. And then I re-read it. And then, with teary eyes, I sat and let it simmer.   

I don’t know who Colleen George (the writer) is but I do know that she accomplished her goal. For a few solid minutes, she made me feel less alone, less weird, less stressed; she made me feel a bit more in sync and a lot more valuable. The most profound part for me was when she stated: 

"When you are crying, or being too hard on yourself, I want you to take a deep breath in and realize that you don't have to bully yourself. You don't have to make yourself feel bad. It's okay to be gentle. It's okay to forgive yourself and it's okay to let yourself rest when you don't know which direction to go." 

We live in a world where self-hate is far more natural (and acceptable) than self-love. We live in a world where our popularity is measured by how many “likes” we get on Instagram. We live in a world where Facebook images are synonymous with reality. 

…but all of this is bullshit (pardon my language). 

Life isn’t black-or-white. Life’s color wheel is gray. In fact, life is gray AF. And in those gray moments, we find a lot of self-criticism; a lot of self-doubt; a lot of self-sabotage. 

…but maybe the solution requires far less effort than I (we) would imagine. Perhaps, in those gray moments, instead of tearing myself down, I simply take a deep breath, pour myself a glass of wine, and decide to grant myself some grace.