A New Normal

Change is inevitable. It sucks a big one, but it's inevitable. 
Change is often difficult, uncomfortable and confusing. 
Abrupt change? Well, that's even worse. 
Being told by someone you’ve loved for quite some time that their “feelings have changed” and they no longer find you attractive is abrupt change at its finest. 
How does one go from giggling over tequila shots with his/her partner to wanting absolutely nothing to do with his/her partner? It was an overnight, 180 type of shift, to say the least.
Your mind races with questions – why, how, when, what… What can I do better? How could I do better? Is it my hair? My face? My body? My nails? What?!
I recently purchased a print of the quote:
“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
Ironic, huh?
Initially, following an abrupt change, I am inclined to reminisce on the past – the coulda, woulda, shouldas. Yet, when has living in the past ever actually helped someone? Correct. Never. And planning for the future brings an entirely different set of anxieties. So, here I am, left with the present. I’m left here to muddle through the mess and find a new normal.
What is that new normal? 
 Is it avoiding certain places? Is it cutting off certain people? Is it creating new space for new things? Is it buying a regular size bottle of wine, instead of a magnum size (surely, not)?
The truth is: I don’t know.
The truth is: I’m just trying to make it one day at a time, each day with a little less tears and little more laughter.
So, to any of you out there dealing with rejection, I'm with you. I empathize with you. I know how it feels to cry until your body is physically sore. I know how it feels to reach for the phone, only to realize those calls are no longer. I know how it feels to continually watch for a text that you know good and well won’t appear. I know how it feels to “power on” and do your usual Monday night routine, minus one. I know how it feels to avoid going home to a silent, empty space. I know how it feels to have a person’s face permanently etched in your memory. I know how it feels to immediately skip over certain songs because you simply cannot listen without a total meltdown ensuing. 
The self-doubt, the worry, the cathartic haul to the dumpster…I am well versed with it all.
Yet, I also know I am bigger than this (thanks, KKF). I know I have faced obstacles and come out on the other side, usually better than before. I know I love deeply and at times, give too freely, always with the best of intentions. I know I have support and love aplenty. I know I am capable of greatness.
And, most importantly, I know… I can (and I will) bounce back from this.