18 in 18

As 2018 comes to an end, I find myself doing my yearly reflection. 

What did I learn?

What do I regret?

What would I do over? 

Who did I love? 

Who did I lose? 

Did I laugh enough? 

Did I cry too much?

Essentially, the big question is: Did I grow? 

The answer is simple and almost inevitable: Yes. 

How can twelve months of highs and lows not allow room for growth? Yet, we don’t always see the growth as it’s happening. Often, we have to take time to reflect to truly see the changes within ourselves. 

So, here are 18 nuggets of wisdom I gained throughout the year 2018 (what a year, indeed):

18. The answer to all of my problems today is acceptance. 

This is a phrase from the “big book” for Alcoholics Anonymous. While I do not attend AA, I’ve had my own journey of recovery concerning other addictions & obsessive behaviors. In fact, I’m still on the journey. Part of the journey is accepting that the journey is, in fact, never-ending. Recovery is a daily battle – some days, you win; some days, you lose. Take life one day at a time and accept where you are for that day. 

I am a work in progress, as we all are. When I fail, I wake up the next day and simply try again.  

  

17. Living above a liquor store and next door to an Italian pizzeria is not a bad gig. 

            Need I say more? 

16. The only way over heartbreak is through it. 

Many of us advise our friends going through breakups to rid their space of all the reminders – clothes, pictures, jewelry, movies, music, etc. While that cathartic haul to the dumpster is often a part of moving on, the only way we can successfully get to that stage is by allowing ourselves to grieve what we lost, to grieve the person we lost. Grief is not fun. It’s actually quite miserable. This year, I remember someone telling me in order to put the pain behind me, I needed to grieve. 

My response? “How do I do that?” 

The Type A in me wanted a step-by-step guide for grieving. The harsh truth is that grief requires us to simply be present and feel our emotions. We cry; we scream; we feel lonely; we feel angry; and, we just have to sit in that. Eventually, as the tears dry, our souls feel lighter and we find ourselves letting go of the pain onto which we had been holding.  

15. Your friends are there to help, encourage, & support you; however, your friends are not meant to adopt your struggles.

I learned this the hard way. Fortunately, my friends have hearts of gold and gave me a second chance. Don’t be that friend who always has an issue. Don’t be that friend who drains others’ energy constantly. Friends are a great support system. They are the cushions we need when the mattress might become a bit distressed. However, they should not be our sole means of survival. Sometimes we must be willing to sit in our grief alone. In doing so, we grow stronger and come to know our true self. 

  

14. People you admire will disappoint you…

This is a hard pill to swallow. People you hold in high regard aren’t always as they seem. They will hurt you; they will rob you of self-worth; they will cause you to question a number of things; they will make you feel inadequate.   

13. …but rise above those people. 

Remind yourself that you are strong and, in every disappointment, lies a lesson to be learned. Find that lesson. Use that lesson to fuel you. 

12. It’s okay if you’re not ready to give up something (or better yet, someone) you know isn’t healthy for you. 

Rome wasn’t built in a day! We are all works in progress and we won’t ever be perfect. Some days we need that (slightly toxic) person or that glass of wine or that slice of cake because some days, that is what gets us through. And that is okay. 

11. Donald Trump is still a deplorable human.

            Some things never change. 

10. New York City is truly the best city in the world (but, no, I don’t want to live there). 

The slogan for the TCS New York City Marathon is “It will move you.” And boy does it, both literally and figuratively. I had the privilege of running this race in November of 2018 and I can honestly say, it was the most challenging thing I’ve done to date, but also the most rewarding. I laughed; I cried. I wanted to quit every other mile. It was the hardest (and slowest time) marathon of my eight, thus far. 26.2 miles, with 50,000+ of my runner friends, through the greatest city in the world. What a spectacular day!Crossing that finish line was a feeling ofpure amazement—amazement at myself, the people of New York City, and most of all, amazement at what it means to be a runner. 

It will move you. 

    

9. Blue is my spirit color (if there is such a thing).

This year I started to transitioning my hair color to blue, thanks to an amazing stylist. I’ve never received as many compliments on my hair as I do now. 

Bonus nugget of wisdom: Try something different. You never know; you might just discover the next best thing!    

8. Painful situations can bring you the best of people. 

I was lucky enough to gain a new friend this year—someone I feel as though I’ve known my entire life. And aren’t those the best kind of friendships—when you feel an instant connection and just dive right in. This new friendship would not have been gained had we both not been affected by a difficult (and painful) situation. The situation led us to each other and became the cornerstone over which we bonded. Beneath those painful situations often lies a silver lining. 

  

7. No matter your age, sometimes you just need a girl’s sleepover with your Mom… 

   

6. …and sometimes you need space to disengage with your parents, family, friends, etc.

Yes, you heard that correctly. Sometimes we need to be alone and put the phone away, even if someone does call over and over (ahem, Mom). 

5. It’s okay to miss him/her.

It’s okay to think about that one ex-lover who always watched Dateline with you, as you sit and watch Dateline solo. Moving on and letting go doesn’t mean you’ll never feel that emptiness again. And that doesn’t make you “a lost cause.” Acknowledge the pain, accept it, feel it, and then let it pass.  

4. Send someone an actual letter/card. Heck, send multiple cards. 

            Yes, old fashioned snail mail. It’s good for the soul. I promise you’ll thank me. 

3. Invest in a good therapist.

No, people who see therapists aren’t crazy or delusional. They are people who acknowledge their faults and strive to be better. The “crazy” people are those who refuse help. Those of us seeking help…we are the sane ones.   

2. Be kind to yourself. 

You are doing the best you can and in the words of Stephanie Bennett Henry, “Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.”  

1. It’s okay to “toot your own horn” and be proud of yourself. 

2018 came with more struggles than I could have possibly imagined, but through it all, I came out on the other side. I made it. I survived. I showed up. I fought the fight. What a year, indeed!